The Best Piece of Advice That I Received in College

During a challenging relationship in college, a friend shared this invaluable advice with me. I had been grappling with the emotional toll of a deteriorating relationship, placing myself last and devoting all my energy to tending to her feelings. In the process, I had lost sight of my own well-being.

The advice was simple yet profound: “When you lay your head down on that pillow and say goodnight to the previous day, you need to make sure, above everyone else, that you are okay.” These words awakened me to the realization that I had been disregarding my own needs and happiness in an attempt to satisfy others. While helping people and providing support is crucial, there’s a crucial distinction between offering assistance when asked and taking it upon ourselves to save someone and mold their life according to our ideals.

In our society, we often idealize romantic love, fueled by Hollywood’s depiction of grand gestures and an all-consuming need to be with someone constantly. As Ernest Hemingway wrote in “Men Without Women,” “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.” It is vital to recognize that true love starts with loving ourselves first.

Instead of fixating on others and losing ourselves in the process, we, and our partners, would be better served by focusing on self-care and personal growth. Rollo May eloquently stated, “Love is generally confused with dependence; but in point of fact, you can only love in proportion to your capacity for independence.” By prioritizing our own well-being and nurturing our independence, we become less reliant on external validation, attention, or affection. In turn, we foster healthier and more meaningful connections with others.

The concept of putting ourselves first often challenges societal norms and ingrained beliefs. We were raised to think that prioritizing our own needs is selfish or self-centered — a notion that persists even though it contradicts the essence of self-care. However, it’s important to understand that self-care is not synonymous with selfishness. It is an act of self-preservation and self-love, which ultimately allows us to be more present and compassionate in our relationships with others.

Taking care of ourselves means acknowledging our limitations, setting healthy boundaries, and ensuring our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It involves recognizing when we need to pause, breathe, and reassess our priorities. Sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do in the midst of chaos and stress is to take a step back and evaluate how we can best care for ourselves.

As the cliché goes, “Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.” There is profound truth in this simple statement. It serves as a reminder that no one, not even our closest loved ones, should take precedence over our own well-being. We are worthy of love, attention, and care — just as much as anyone else.

So, embrace the cliché and remember that loving ourselves first is not a luxury, but a necessity. By prioritizing self-care, we become better equipped to care for others genuinely. It is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, allowing us to foster healthier relationships, find balance in our lives, and navigate