Bitchin’ at Bachelor ’17 (A Retro Ski Mountain Bonanza)
It was a cold night in Eugene, Oregon. My friend and I drove to the nearby liquor store in search of a few ingredients.
Dole 100% pineapple juice
Malibu rum
Midori melon liqueur
Little did I know I was a few short hours from experiencing one of the most insane parties of my life.
The Facebook invitation read…
Join the boys of Theta Chi this Saturday as we take it back to a simpler time in a place where the sky’s always snowin’ and the beer’s always flowin’. Come dressed to impress in your most bitchin’ neon snow attire and we’ll make sure it’s a night to remember!
The party was happening at our live-out on 2043 Onyx St. formerly known as Medusa’s Lair. Why was it called that you ask? Simply put, there was a broom closet under the staircase where individuals could get stoned.
When I arrived at the live-out, the boys had just finished moving the pool table out of the living room and onto the front yard. Yes, we had a pool table in our living room, and yes, it was used as a spare bed.
I discreetly went downstairs to Matt’s bedroom and grabbed his Bluetooth speaker. I then carried it up to the kitchen and connected it to my phone. I set up a makeshift bar using a folding table and lined up twelve shot glasses. With a Mr. Penguin shaker and a tray of ice, I started preparing the first batch of Scooby Snacks.
People started to roll in around 10 o’clock. I was in the kitchen, playing Kokomo by the Beach Boys while pouring shots for Jonathan, Cole, Giuliana, and others. My creation, the Scooby Snack, was an instant hit! Everyone was crowding around my table, trying to get their hands on the delicious drink.
The party was growing at an exponential rate. Snapchat messages were being sent to the dorms and freshmen were coming in droves to the house. Suddenly, there was no more space to move inside the house. Our DJ was playing Caroline and Broccoli, two songs that topped the charts on SoundCloud in 2017. Girls were getting crushed and started getting on top of furniture. It was hot and humid inside the house, but nobody cared because the song Gold Digger was playing.
Suddenly, the DJ abruptly stopped the music and started yelling at everyone to leave the party. To enable everyone to exit safely, we removed the couch that was blocking the front door. Kids started running out of the house in a hurry. It was a mass exodus and a parade of students started walking back to campus. I had never seen anything like it.
I ventured near the garage to see what was happening and saw this guy having a seizure on the floor. Apparently, he had taken pills before entering the party. Luckily the kid lived all thanks to the cool-headedness of our VP of Health and Safety.